


put on your war paint

by Zen0Parad0x



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon May Not Apply, Introductory Piece, Quintuplicate Virus, SBURB Fan Session, SBURB is glitched af, plz halp I'm new
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-02 03:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11501319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zen0Parad0x/pseuds/Zen0Parad0x
Summary: Eight Players play a Game. This Game destroys their planet, and sends them somewhere else, but gives them amazing powers and the potential for greatness in return. This game is corrupted, however, and for some reason has copied or created everything in sets of five. This Game may be more complicated to win than they originally thought...This is an introduction to the characters and such via classic SBURB/SGRUB intros. Much of the actual story will come later.





	1. Welcome to the Game

**Author's Note:**

> We are the jack-o-lanterns in july//setting fire to the sky  
> here,here comes this rising tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes to shit, courtesy of the author, eight semi-fictitious humans and a virus.

Pay attention, class. 

  


Today we will be talking about put on your war paint. 

  


put on your war paint is an introductory piece conducted in the manner of the original Homestuck introductions (or, attempted, at least) to a project which will focus mostly on a group of eight humans attempting to learn how to play a Game. If you are familiar with the webcomic Homestuck by our Lord and Saviour Andrew Hussie, you will know which Game I mean. This Game has been infected by something called the Quintuplicate Virus. It does precisely what the name entails to random parts of the session's code; and the players/Nobles/Heroes have to deal with that.  

  


Please enjoy, and any comments on how to improve would be greatly appreciated. 

  


ZenoParadox, the Traveller


	2. Some Title Clarifications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to share my opinions of Titles/classpects so people understand why they do what they do in the story.

Aspects:

Space: Deals with mass, velocity, and location. Seems pretty simple.  
Pro: Good for creative players.  
Con: Bad for unimaginative players.

Time: Deals with, well, time. Tick tock clocks, scratches, something to do with music, and a bunch of timelines and alternate you.  
Pro: Good for those who can be bothered to work out a schedule which allows them to get things done without dooming themselves repeatedly.  
Con: Most likely to create doomed timelines.

Breath: Deals with freedom, drive, and air. Its detachment is similar to Void, actually.  
Pro: Incredibly powerful in the right hands.  
Con: Doesn’t like to be controlled or manipulated, so generally most of its active use comes in at higher levels.

Blood: Deals with links to people and literal blood.  
Pro: Good at getting the team to work together toward an actual goal.  
Con: The Noble will likely form strong attachments to things they will invariably lose.

Life: Deals with growth and life.  
Pro: Extremely powerful in terms of combat and medical usage.  
Con: Not exactly the most versatile aspect in terms of reality reshaping.

Doom: Deals with death, fate, and rules.  
Pro: You can change the only thing the Game holds sacred: the inexorable march of destiny.  
Con: There is a reason the Game holds destiny sacred. It's very important. Also the Game may attempt to get revenge.

Hope: Deals with willpower and positive emotion.  
Pro: The most powerful aspect. Its reality reshaping abilities are second to none.  
Con: You need to believe. Most Nobles are not exactly stable or secure people.

Rage: Deals with suffering and negative emotion.  
Pro: Almost as powerful as Hope in its reality reshaping abilities.  
Con: Considering it generally relies on emotions, not the easiest aspect to control.

Heart: Deals with souls, and identity.  
Pro: Is powerful in a myriad if ways, and adds identity splinters as a "bonus".  
Con: Identity splinters are not always intentional or positive, and Heart is difficult to use in terms of anything other than direct combat without potential side effects.

Mind: Deals with decisions, choices, and the alternate pathways said choices would create, as well as idea potential(similar to Hope but not the same) and logic.  
Pro: Creative use renders this aspect incredibly useful and versatile.  
Con: Your decision-making skills have to be top-notch, putting you under considerable pressure, whether you are a combat class or a support class.Additionally your aspect requires creative use for maximum effect.

Light: Deals with luck, literal light, success, and given knowledge.  
Pro: Powerful and difficult to stop.  
Con: Not the most versatile.

Void: Deals with nothingness, the hidden, obscured, and unseen.  
Pro: Very powerful, and good at damage mitigation or prevention(in terms of planning, as opposing to literal shielding in order to "tank" hits).  
Con. Side effects, up to and including accidental erasure of important Game components or Horrorterror possession, are fairly common if done wrong.

 

 

Classes:

Heir: Manipulates their aspect through will alone. Their aspect Changes them in turn, and can protect them while they mature.  
Flaw: Must inherit their true abilities in order to actually contribute.

Maid: Gives their aspect freely. This can mean to themselves or to others.  
Flaw: Follows the rules of their aspect, even if it is to their or others detriment.

Knight: Can Wield their aspect to serve their friends.  
Flaw: While versatile and able to act throughout the session, they are not powerful as some of the other classes in terms of sheer strength.

Page: Grows and matures to the point and which they become a conduit for their aspect, Channeling it through them to affect the world around them and serve the purpose they want it to serve. Late game, the most powerful class.  
Flaw: In the beginning they are unable to fend for themselves.

Mage:Able to Comprehend the ways they can use knowledge of their aspect to further their goals. This can mean planning with use of their knowledge, or performing "miracles" by changing the world around them with the power of their mind.  
Flaw: Their aspect will make them prove themselves worthy.

Seer: Guides with knowledge of their aspect, allowing them to issue prophecies and ensure success for them and theirs, or to avoid ruin.  
Flaw: Are not often able to alter the world with their power.

Witch: Instructs their aspect to perform feats of great change.  
Flaw: Their widespread approach can lack subtlety, which can cause their good intents to go awry.

Sylph: Creates constructions of their aspect. When they act, it is powerful and noteworthy.  
Flaw: They act only when it benefits their aspect.

Thieves: Amass their aspect for themselves.  
Flaw: They cannot always benefit the team with their powers, despite how powerful they can be.  
Rogues: Redistributes their aspect between those they judge worthy and those they do not.  
Flaw: They cannot always benefit themselves with their powers, despite how powerful they can be.

Prince: Passes Judgement upon their aspect, and decides whether it deserves to act in the way it would otherwise.  
Flaw: While powerful, they are not the most obviously versatile of classes.

Bard: Heralds great destruction, related to their aspect. It will be either caused by their aspect or inflicted upon their aspect.  
Flaw: Destruction is not always positive.

Lord: Commands their aspect to do their bidding.  
Flaw: If they do not enforce their will properly, they will not survive.

Muse: Inspires their aspect to great works of itself.  
Flaw: Their influence comes at a cost, often their life.


	3. One: 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(1/8). 
> 
> Theme is "[Annihilator](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhE8R3RGbDs)".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Start!

>Enter Name.  


EGOTISTICAL ASSHAT  


No. This never happened.  


>Try Again.  


SEBASTIEN GAVEL  


Good job.  


>Examine Room.  


Your name is SEBASTIEN GAVEL and it is your 13th birthday. This does not seem to matter to anyone except you, as no-one has sent you a message to CONGRATULATE YOU on the extremely difficult task to being alive on the right day. This is FAIRLY UPSETTING to you. Moving on.  


It is an incredibly warm day here on your island, and your room, despite being quite spacious indeed, is filled up with your paraphernalia and other objects of interests. Specifically, your INTERESTS. Which you will now talk about. There are your LOVINGLY CONSTRUCTED MODELS of VOLCANOES, and your glorious SAURON and PROTO-DIDACT POSTERS lining the wall above your fancy KING-SIZED BED. You are very fond of them and have a BOARD OF FACTS AND THEORIES about both and their respective STATISTICS. You like statistics a lot. You are PRETTY GOOD AT MATHEMATICS IN GENERAL, if you do say so yourself. You have to be, as your DOOMSDAY CLOCKS require an insane amount of critical thinking and mathematical genius. You think you fit the role pretty well, IF YOU DO SAY SO YOURSELF.  
What will you do? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if I have messed up the Homestuck-style introduction. It seems to be alright, but any extra opinions would be great.


	4. One: 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(1/8). 
> 
> Theme is "[Annihilator](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhE8R3RGbDs)".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >Sebastien: Get Out of Your Bedroom.

>Sebastien: Get Up.

You leave your awesome room and go look for adventure. By “Look for”, you of course mean “check your” and by “adventure” you of course mean “messages”. Sliding down the overly grandiose banister, and sprinting over to your PC, you notice you have a message from a friend of yours.

>Sebastien: Open Pesterchum.

You don’t use Pesterchum, that’s old shit! You and all your friends use Dissent, the hottest new chat client. Of course, the only real difference is that Dissent has a cool little title system based on how you act online. Weirdly, neither you or your friends have managed to find out how it determines this. At any rate, your friend is messaging you. You think you know why.

\-- consummateChrestomathic [CC - Perspicacious]  dissent axiochusAccepted [AA - Vehement] a message at 10:25 --

CC: Hey. It’s time.

CC: You know that we can’t afford to make any mistakes. This better be goddamn pitch perfect.

CC: Dude. We need to do this, now. Where are you?

AA: sorry. what’s going on? 

CC: Don’t fuck around. I’d usually be fine with casual banter, but we’re all going to die if we mess this up, and you know that.

AA: okay. wasn’t sure if you knew what you were talking about. yeah. we’ve been working this shit out for ages; you do realise the arming up wasn’t just me and GA being generous to all of you?

CC: Alright, good. I wasn’t sure if you knew either; but it seemed like GA did.

AA: not always obvious, that guy.

CC: I don’t really know him that well anyways, but he seems cool when we get on memos.

AA: gotta prepare now anyways. see you around.

CC: You as well. Later.

\-- consummateChrestomathic  [CC - Perspicacious] discarded their message to axiochusAccepted [AA - Vehement] \--

>Sebastien: Captchalogue Mountain Dew.

That is actually a great idea. Considering you won’t be thirsty for half an hour, and neither bottle nor Dew will suffer any effect from your DECAY MODUS, you’ll be perfectly fine. You do so immediately.

>Now what?


	5. One: 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(1/8).
> 
> Theme is "[Annihilator](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhE8R3RGbDs)".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >Sebastien: Go prepare.

>Sebastien: Go prepare.

You have a few things you need to do before you’re ready. You begin moving furniture out of the way and go and get your cat. You place Jack back in your bedroom, stroking his fur fat and watching as his fat rolls uncurl on your bed. You then equip your KUSARIGAMA from your THRESHKIND specibi. Yes, this is a goddamn chain sickle. No, it’s not anime. In fact, you DESPISE anime. You have it because it is cool and sharp and has chains. That’s not anime. Right?

===>

Gotta continue downstairs.

You metaphorically roll up your sleeves as you slide back down the banister and sprint out the door. You know he’s going to attack again. This guy from a GANG OF THIEVES keeps trying to STEAL YOUR STUFF in an effort to prove himself or some shit. Of course, every time he does that, you smack him down thanks to your INHERENT SUPERIORITY. It’s just a matter of time before he shows himself. Today is the LAST DAY he’ll ever get BEFORE THE EVENT, after all. Looking up into a sky framed with the iridescence of the sun gets you nowhere, but it does set the scene of your island. Well, yours excluding that settlement over there. Speaking of the settlement, where has that kid got to? Oh, holy shit. This guy just faked you out. You dash back inside your tower and look up. There he is, hanging from your chandelier. You think he’s there in order to… You feel your breath escape you as he lands on you with a wet crunching sound. Well, that’s a rib. As he rolls off you and draws his knife, you flip to your feet using your ~~scrawny as fuck frame~~ lithe and dextrous body and equip your kusarigama, wincing as you do so. You have a feeling that today will be even longer than you believed originally.

===> [S] Strife:[ Annihilator](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhE8R3RGbDs)!

A few experimental slashes confirm it; the bugger’s gotten faster. You lean backward, his swipe swishing through the space where your throat would be, and then spring forward, driving your elbow into his gut. As he doubles over, you swing your sickle round and begin to try to grapple him with your chain. Unfortunately, his newfound speed includes reactions as well. This means that when you try to end the fight as quickly as possible, the thief turns around at lightning speed and rams your (presumably) broken bone with a knuckle direct to the ribs. … Ow. Fuck. Okay, he’s no longer playing nice. Which means you won’t either. As you begin to get up, he moves to hold his knife to your throat. So, he isn’t holding his attention on your chain and the end of it. Well that’s nice of him. You yank your chain towards you, the sickle skidding along the floor into his ankle. He screams in pain and you yank it out. He falls to his knees ~~yes kneel~~ and you wipe the blood off of the blade onto his shirt. He begins to whimper as you raise your fist. He falls unconscious from blood loss and you check his body… yep, there’s the copy of SBURB right there. You roll him out the door. You turn back and realise you have blood all over a) the floor and b) yourself. How the hell do you explain this?


	6. Two: 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(2/8). 
> 
> Theme is “[Architect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7HvH-iJ_CI)”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >????: Enter Name.

>Enter Name.

RESOLUTE DOORMAT.

Damn, son. That isn’t your name, though.

>Try Again. 

JAMES DOVELOCK

Eh, close enough.

>Examine Room.  

Your name is JIMMY DOVELOCK and today is the day you’ve been preparing for six years. You and THREE OTHERS among your limited circle of friends have FOREKNOWLEDGE OF WHAT IS TO COME and you have TAKEN OVER the EQUIPMENT MANUFACTURING part of the plans, as well as plans for ARCHITECTURE. You like designing WELL-FORTIFIED buildings and WELL-ARMORED robots. Speaking of things you like, let’s have a look at your room.    
  
Your TOTAL WAR and WARHAMMER POSTERS, as well as your FIGURES AND DICE, your BIRDCAGE, and your pride and joy; your workshop.

>Take A Moment to Check Out Your Birdcage.

Before you inevitably lose most of your remaining PREPARATION TIME building/dismantling/improving your shit, it’s time to check on YA BOI SUNNY, DEMON BUDGIE KING.

His Royal Majesty demands his tribute and you pay him his due.

Aw Yiss.

Motha. Fuckin. Breadcrumbs.

>Go Check Your Messages.


	7. Two: 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(2/8). 
> 
> Theme is “[Architect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7HvH-iJ_CI)”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >Jimmy: Turn on your computer.

>Open Dissent.

\-- consummateChrestomathic [CC – Perspicacious] created a directive named GAME PLAN PART 0 (IN THE KNOW) and invited galvanisedAvian[GA – Risk-Taker],axiochusAccepted[AA – Vehement], and transcendentAugur[TA – Strategist]! –

CC: Ok, guys. Let’s run this over again. I want to get this perfect.  


CC: We don’t have time or space for mistakes.  
GA: u usually don’t care. why u mad now?  
TA: 9ts not l9ke the world 9s end9ng or anyth9ng.  
AA: yeah, we need to make sure everything is going to work out.  
AA: I got confidence, but you guys are gonna need some help.  
TA: yeah. “conf9dence”. anyways, we do actually have sh9t to do, guys. gotta go fast.  
TA: but last 9 checked, we have our jobs on lock. unless you have someth9ng you need to tell us, CC.  
TA: 99RC, we rece9ved our gear from GA ages ago, AA 9s prepared for entry and you and 9 get to conv9nce the rest to play and to prepare (joy by the way).  
AA: how the hell do you know that I got prepared?  
TA: that’s a good quest9on.   
CC: Ha. Anyways, doing this now. Opening the “official” first Gameplan in 10. See you there.  
AA: cool.   
GA: k.   
TA: got 9t.

\--consumateChrestomathic[CC – Perspicacious]dispatched galvanisedAvian[GA – Risk-Taker],axiochusAccepted[AA – Vehement], and transcendentAugur[TA – Strategist] from the directive! --  
\--consumateChrestomathic[CC – Perspicacious] discarded the directive! – 

> Jimmy: Maintain your equipment.  
What do you mean? Your equipment is always pristine. Your MANUFACTURE MODUS ensures this. When you captchalogue something, it falls apart into its component pieces, and then you have to piece it together again perfectly. You don’t have anything to maintain. You do have to check on your tools though.

>Jimmy: Check aforementioned tools.  
Now you’re talking.  
You equip your WORKSHOP HARNESS from your TOOLKIND modus.  
You have your DRILL here, your BALLPOINT HAMMER there, your WRENCHES and SPANNER, a NAILGUN, and your WELDING TORCH. Oh, and your CRÈME DE LA CRÈME, the PLASMA CUTTER. So good. Most of them are looking fine, but your love for them compels you to polish them.

>Jimmy: Do so.  
With pleasure.  
You begin to polish your WEAPONS/TOOLS with EXTREME PREJUDICE.  
All potential dirt is EXTERMINATED, and everything is better.  
You approve heartily.  
This pleases you.  
You only have one more thing to do.  
Upgrade your defences for the final time.  
You open the door to your bunker (all 17 bolts; you have the opening down to roughly 28 seconds), the cold, mountainous wasteland before you bleak and treacherous as well. Your turrets are fully operational, and your AVIAN drones are currently hovering around your mountain. You do not have any currently operational ground forces, but you have been working on this since your completion of your friends’ custom weapons. You still wonder when Seb received those and sent them to everyone. You don’t recall even telling him you’d finished building them. You can’t see any risk involved in not knowing that yet, but it may begin to be an issue later on.

Anyways, your drones are all well and good, but the obvious worse case is when you are attacked by something with air support that can tie up your drones. You don’t think that it’ll be a problem, but you recognise a potential failure when you see one.

You head back in and begin to fix the problem.


	8. Two: 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(2/8). 
> 
> Theme is “[Architect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7HvH-iJ_CI)”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >Jimmy: Realise there's a complication.

>Jimmy: Realise your workshop has had some of its saws removed.

Goddamnit. That’s probably your mom. She likes stealing important stuff so you learn “independence” and “stand up for yourself”. While you know she loves you, it’s kind of annoying. Most of the time, you leave it alone for a few days. Today, though, you have to get your workshop ready for anything. Today is the beginning, and you desperately need to make sure nothing goes wrong. You can’t afford this shit right now.

>Jimmy: Man the fuck up.

You square up your shoulders and begin to march toward your inexorable doom. It can’t be that bad, right?

Right?

You are not prepared for this. You aren’t prepared at all. But hey, at least you’ll go down fighting! Maybe you can even get in a few punches before she dumpsters your ass into the fucking trashcan. Or not. You start methodically checking corridors. She has to be in one of them, you think. Probably. Oh god there was a flicker. Was that her? What’s she even doing? Oh shit she’s right in front of yo-

===>[S] Strife:“[Architect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7HvH-iJ_CI)”!

You aren’t nearly as fast as your mother, even without your harness. You also aren’t as tough as her; she’s Mom. She’s fast and tough as shit. It’s pretty awesome, tbh, but you can’t exactly appreciate it when a beatdown by broom is headed for your ass. Her first swing slaps you in the chest, causing you to lose quite a fucking lot of air and you to skid backwards.

Thank god for the harness; being twice your weight OP apparently.

She then keeps swiping at you; her being Mom, she’s relentless and effectively impossible to dodge. You spin your wrenches and hammer around you; defence is almost always the best strategy, especially when your opponent is on the offense and you can’t reliably hit them. A whooshing sound to your left; that’s another attack – directing your spanner and a wrench there, you try and wheel to face it.

Nope.

She’s no longer there – another one behind you. Jumping into a

YOUTH ROLL

you somehow manage to evade a single blow while in your harness, but as you get up, a swipe across the face sends you careening across the room. Your saws land around you, and Mom disappears.

\-- consummateChrestomathic [CC - Perspicacious] dissent  galvanisedAvian [GA – Risk-Taker]  a message at 13:04 –- 

CC: Jimmy? It seems we might need your help with the others. 

GA: had to grab my shit back from mom. u no how it is. 

CC: Ah. That’s not good. You alright now though? 

GA: eh. 

CC: Feel bad you couldn’t do better?

GA: mom just kicked my ass. 

GA: that’s really all there is to say on the matter. 

\-- galvanisedAvian [GA – Risk-Taker] discarded the message sent to them by consummateChrestomathic [CC – Perspicacious] \--


	9. Three: 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(3/8).
> 
> Theme is "[Prophet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIu1o536GmI)".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >????: Enter Name.

 

>Enter Name.

HYPOCRITICAL DOUCHEBAG.

Yeah, that’s fair. You’re pretty aware of your faults and you don’t really care, so not the best insult that could be made, but fair.

>Try Again.

TOBIAS MENNEK.

Excellent. Let’s get this fucking started.

>Examine Room.

Alright, so this is your bedroom. It’s pretty MESSY, true, but YOU CAN FIND ALL YOUR STUFF ANYWAY. You have your PC, your LAPTOP, and your OTHER LAPTOPS. You have your BOOKS, HEADPHONES, and POSTERS OF OLD MEMES. Some would call said memes DEAD MEMES, but you welcome all memes into your sanctuary – you DON’T BELIEVE IN THINGS BEING “DEAD” or whatever. Most of YOUR INTERESTS ARE ONLINE, to be honest, and while your DAD thinks this is WASTING PRACTICE AT SOCIAL SKILLS you personally are quite alright with that. 

>Check your PC.

You won’t get messages for another… 13 minutes and change, actually, so you can fiddle about with your stuff. You have your SHITTY ELECTRONIC MUSIC COMPOSITIONS to listen to while you browse the latest in DANK FORUM MEMES and stuff.

Ugh. That one is so overdone. It’s kind of pointless to be honest. You don’t know why some of your friends like it.

Oh, ha, you remember that one. It’s decent. But you could do better.

Unfortunately, you have SHIT TO GET DONE today, and while you can still MEME IN THE FLESH, you don’t have time to MAKE YOUR OWN MEMES. Besides, you’re TOO LAZY MOST OF THE TIME regardless.   

You would ordinarily begin either playing one of your MANY STRATEGY GAMES, or WRITING SOME RANDOM SHIT for your FORUMS. But as you’ve already said, you have shit to do, so you can’t. Unfortunately. You still have another minute and a half to go, so you decide to indulge in one of your more ESOTERIC HABITS; PRECOGNITION. You go into what could ARGUABLY BE CALLED A TRANCE, and begin to _see._  

>Give up that shit and do a silly dance

Why would you do that? You are enjoying the emptiness of being about to transcend the limits of time through modelling potential outcomes, so it would be illogical to do so-

THIS IS STUPID

But it’s pretty fun to cast off doing shit for a purpose anyways. You now have 13 seconds.

Time to sit down and open Dissent.  

>Open that shit.


	10. Three: 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(3/8).
> 
> Theme is "[Prophet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIu1o536GmI)".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >Tobias: Have a real talk.

>Tobias: Have a conversation we've already read. 

By your command. 

\-- consummateChrestomathic [CC – Perspicacious] created a directive named GAME PLAN PART 0 (IN THE KNOW) and invited galvanisedAvian[GA – Risk-Taker],axiochusAccepted[AA – Vehement], and transcendentAugur[TA – Strategist]! –

CC: Ok, guys. Let’s run this over again. I want to get this perfect.

CC: We don’t have time or space for mistakes.  
GA: u usually don’t care. why u mad now?  
TA: 9ts not l9ke the world 9s end9ng or anyth9ng.  
AA: yeah, we need to make sure everything is going to work out.  
AA: I got confidence, but you guys are gonna need some help.  
TA: yeah. “conf9dence”. anyways, we do actually have sh9t to do, guys. gotta go fast.  
TA: but last 9 checked, we have our jobs on lock. unless you have someth9ng you need to tell us, CC.  
TA: 99RC, we rece9ved our gear from GA ages ago, AA 9s prepared for entry and you and 9 get to conv9nce the rest to play and to prepare (joy by the way).  
AA: how the hell do you know that I got prepared?  
TA: that’s a good quest9on.   
CC: Ha. Anyways, doing this now. Opening the “official” first Gameplan in 10. See you there.  
AA: cool.   
GA: k.   
TA: got 9t.

\--consumateChrestomathic[CC – Perspicacious]dispatched galvanisedAvian[GA – Risk-Taker],axiochusAccepted[AA – Vehement], and transcendentAugur[TA – Strategist] from the directive! --  
\--consumateChrestomathic[CC – Perspicacious] discarded the directive! – 

>Tobias: Open the directive.

Nah, CC’s got it.

==>

There we go.

\--consummateChrestomathic[CC – Perspicacious] created a directive named GAME PLAN PART ONE: AVOIDING THE APOCALYPSE and invited transcendentAugur[TA – Strategist], aesculapianCharlatan[AC – Inquiring], chromaticArtificer[CA – Doubtful], abditiveTension[AT - Alert] and corsairsTephrosis[CT – Nomad] !-- 

AC: What? Apocalypse? Are you alright?

TA: he’s not troll9ng. th9s 9s not a dr9ll. 

CA: this isn’t very funny 

TA: 9t’s not 9ntended to be. 

CC: We’re serious. The world will end in a few hours. We’ve been planning this for a while, and we need you to co-operate.

CT: even if you guys are serious (which I doubt) then wtf was this about SBURB? why would you tell us to play this game if you’ve been planning to gtfo because the world’s ending?

CC: Elementary, my dear pirate. Because that’s how we’ll escape.

CA: we? 

TA: obv9ously. we’re not leav9ng the bo9s beh9nd. who would 9 bamboozle or otherw9se meme on 9f we left you guys beh9nd?

AC: Am I the only one having doubts about the idea that a) the world is ending or b) the best way to dodge said cataclysmic event is a video game?

CA: nope 

CT: lol no.

TA: well suck 9t up k9ddos. all we need you to do 9s play the game and do exactly what CC tells you. he’s coord9nat9ng for th9s l9ttle adventure. 

CA: and what would you be doing exactly? 

TA: prepar9ng my house. we escape 9n a very spec9f9c order, and 9 come th9rd. 9 need to be prepared. bes9des, y’all already know g’s the best adm9n9strator here.

CC: I am pretty damn good, no boasting intended. 

AC: What happens if we just… don’t?

CC: Bad shit. Seriously bad shit. 

CT: hang on, what are we doing about everyone else? tf we doing bout that? 

AC: WHY? We should have at least told the authorities!

TA: not much they can do. we are the only ones who can use our escape method. 

AT: What?! We don’t have to deal with other people any more! OH FUCK THE HELL YES!

CC: Neither T or I are hateful enough to engineer this, actually. But irrelevant. 

CC: What we need to establish is:

CC: a) all of you will play the game willingly

CC: b) all of you will follow my instructions regarding said game 

AT: Sure, fuck it. If you aren’t trolling, fuck yeah. If you are, fuck you, but the game might be good. 

CA: yeah sure

AC: Okay. But I hope this is a joke – otherwise you should have frickin’ told the people in a position to help. 

TA: no-one’s 9n a pos9t9on to help, my dude. stay cr9spy lads.

CT: Yeah we’re good. Agree with Andrew tho 

CC: Alright, good luck. Chat with you guys later. 

AT: Hang on, where the fucks the doormat? 

AT: He’s playing too, right? Or the prick? 

TA: yeah, they’re play9ng r9ght now actually. Seb’s the f9rst to leave.

AT: Trust him to be the fucking first. 

CC: Get going, people. 

\-- consummateChrestomathic[CC – Perspicacious] deleted the directive! --

Alright, people. You’re finally doing this. You’re gonna make this _fucking happen_.


	11. Three: 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning(3/8).
> 
> Theme is "[Prophet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIu1o536GmI)".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >Tobias: Get shit done. 

 

>[S] [Prophet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIu1o536GmI): Prepare.

 

Your lazy smirk morphs to a manic grin for a second, and your turquoise-tinted shades glint in the tropical sunlight of the afternoon.

 

You’ve been waiting for this for a very, __very__  long time.

 

Despite not having much energy in general, you know how to use the energy you have, so when the time comes(and it __has__ ) then you can expend minimum energy. Or in other words, you have spent a long time learning how to be lazy. You like to think you’re rather good at it.

 

Releasing a breath you weren’t sure you were holding, you lurch upward from lounging in your chair and begin moving at a speed that compared to your usual slow saunter could almost be called __fast__.

 

Reaching into your box of today’s future shit, you pull out a telescope, a book, a tube of sleeping pills, a few letters/notes, three trap kits from your friendleader, some printed deep-fried jpeg memes, and at the bottom of the box your instructions to yourself for today.

__Rule One of Future Note Reading: Don’t Talk About Future Note Reading._ _

 

Your perpetual smirk widens for a fraction of a second, and you continue reading.

__

__No seriously, people’s choices depend on what you do, and telling others about this will mess everything up. You already know this one though._ _

__

__Rule Two of Future Note Reading: Don’t read past an FN unless its condition has passed. You are no exception to the above rule, really. Again, you already know this one, just reminding you._ _

__

__Rule Three of Future Note Reading: Fucking do what it says. Unless you don’t feel like it. In which case we probably intended that so that you’d do something else instead. You are us after all, this is something you’d do if you were us (which you are). Once more, doing this is a reminder and basically a formality._ _

__

__Alright, so, it’s the big day tomorrow/today, huh?_ _

__

__FN#1:__ You skip this one considering you’ve already done it.

__FN#2: Place the telescope and book next to the window, one of the traps on the edge of each entrance, the memes on your bed (we can get to those later), the sleeping pills next to your chute, and the notes on the desk. Read the memes; they’ll steel you. Answer CA in roughly sixteen minutes after reading this. For what it’s worth,we’re sorry._ _

 

Ahhhh shit. You can think of so many different things that could be the issue you are talking about here. As you carry out the instructions written for yourself, your smirk fades away and by the time you are finished and you exhale and flop onto the bed your mild frown is back.

 

Laughing at some Car Salesman, Watch Out For Stairs, and Despacito Sixty-Nine memes (those are the best to deep-fry as jpegs, you would know, you tested), your shit-eating expression returns and you “feel” a little better.

 

You have one minute, and you amble over and wait. Sure enough, there’s your (arguably) best friend on the metaphorical line.

 

==>

 

\-- chromaticArtificer[CA - Doubtful] dissent transcendentAugur[TA - Strategist] a message at 14:37 --

CA: fuck

CA: been trying to figure out how to talk to you 

CA: whatever lets do this

CA: tf is wrong with you

TA: what? what’s up?

CA: adrian and i had a convo

CA: we can both see the meteors

CA: we know you’re not fukin around

CA: dammnit

CA: *fucking

TA:dude why 9s that an 9ssue?

CA: bc you told us now you dickwafle

CA: *waffle

TA: yep

TA: best t9me to tell you

CA: you would know how exactly?

TA: take a fuck9ng guess you know me

CA: don’t tell me

CA: you see the future

TA: and you’re be9ng scept9cal r9ght now?

TA: the ev9dence __9s__ r9ght outs9de dude

TA: 9m not tell9ng you 9 told you so

CA: you’re just telling me

CA: “i told you so”

TA: damn stra9ght

TA: 9 don’t see the 9ssue

CA: because regardles of w/e shit you think you know about

CA: “possible futures” or smthn

CA: fuck *regardless

CA: your still an asshole

CA: i thought we were fucking friends you dipshit

TA: last 9 checked we are

CA: so you don’t see that this was fucknig important?

CA: *fucking

TA: yes 9t 9s

TA: but 9t needs to be handled w9th care

TA: and we say your not the r9ght person to do that

TA: noth9ng aga9nst you my dude

TA: although can 9 say:

TA: “9 thought we were fuck9ng fr9ends”

TA: 9 know were teenagers but chr9st what the fuck lol

CA: holy shit

CA: you’ve actually done it

TA: what

CA: i know about your “deal”, right?

TA: …

TA: yeah?

CA: but i never really felt it, you know?

CA: i always thought “oh hed give a fuck if something serious was going on”

CA: but this is the litreal end of the fucking world

CA: goddamnit *literal

CA: and yet your still cracking jokes and spamming memes

CA: like, what?

TA: …

TA: what, so you thought 9'd suddenly grow a “tak9ng 9t ser9ously” face?

TA: that’s k9nda dumb

CA: yeah, well

CA: guess what

CA: people dont run on pure logic

TA: yeah 9 know

TA: crybaby of the year. Remember?  

CA: yeah but thats sadness, and you have that as an emotion

CA: thats not the issue anyways

CA: the point is that we dont have time for “haha you said smthn cringe” anymore

CA: this is some serious shit

CA: and, uh, your not very serious about it

TA: lolwut.jpeg

TA: do you know the sh9t g and 9 have been prepp9ng dude? apparently, seb and j9mmy got the9r sh9t together as well, but by ourselves we’ll be ready

TA: 9m l9terally tak9ng th9s as ser9ously as 9 can

TA: but me suddenly grow9ng a consc9ence?

TA: or anger or someth9ng l9ke that?

TA: bout as l9kely as bury9ng a rubber band underground dur9ng a clear summer day and expect9ng l9ghtn9ng to h9t 9t

TA: not fuck9ng happen9ng.exe

CA: see this is the thing

CA: you keep thinking you can manipulate people with shitty jokes and your “mentally ill” card

CA: guess what

CA: real-world problems

CA: other people's opinions and feelings exist

CA: and while your a pretty cool dude most of the time

CA: gonna have to ask you to lay low on the pretentious “coolkid/chessmaster/memelord/magnificent bastard” pretense thing, yeah?

TA: gonna be hard do9ng that when we keep updated on the memos

CA: just asking you to take a break from that shit 

CA: at least for a while

TA: you know 9 am my masks

TA: you fuck9ng know that

 

CA: WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE YOURSELF OFF

 

CA: FUCKING JESUS

 

CA: WHEN WE TALK ITS LIKE IM TRYING TO SWIM THROUGH A RIVER OF BULLSHIT

 

CA: AND THE APOCAPLYSE COMES AND YOUR JUST FUCKING GRINNING AND ITS JUST SO POINLTESS

 

CA: SO JUST STOP WITH IT

 

CA: AND TELL PEOPLE SHIT OKAY

 

CA: MAYBE NOT ME

 

CA: APPARNTLY IM NOT THE RIGHT PERSON OR W/E

 

CA: BUT WOULD IT KILL YOU TO STOP WITH HIDING YOUR SHIT

 

CA: TRUTH IS IMPORTANT YOU BLOODY WANKER

 

TA: you done?

CA: holy shit im so done with you right now

TA: youre not usually this angry are you okay?

CA: maybe the end of the world is making me a tiny bit FUCKING EMOTIONAL

CA: whatever

CA: anyways im fucking done

CA: see you later

TA: …

TA: no don’t do 9t

CA: oh my god

\-- chromaticArtificer[CA - Doubtful] discarded the message! --</span>

 

A small chuckle escapes(rips free/absconds from) your throat.

You don’t(false/incorrect)feel so good(positive/stable) - Mr. BAOMET.

 

Another(more/increased) forces it’s way out of your no longer grinning(smiling/stretching)mouth.

 

You know what the possibility(potential/maybe) conceptual thoughtforms are doing, so you lie down on the floor and just breath slowly and deeply.

 

True to form, your DAD uses his SELF-CALCULATING APPEARIFIER to appear(show up/arrive) inside your room and hold you. He taps you on the hand, once(singularly/one time). You blink three times, tears in your eyes(sight orbs/ganderbulbs) due to the mounting increase of your headache, and he nods, gving you a pen, a pencil, and one of your tablets before leaving(escaping/exiting). You grasp(claw/swipe) at the tablet desperately, and swallow. As the headache levels low, you breathe(cycle/free) once again, shaking in relief like a man wandering the desert having taken his first swig of water in three days.

 

Now you can cry properly.

 

So you do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long. As you can see, there is trouble in paradise.
> 
> Hope you're still enjoying! 
> 
> Traveller out.


	12. I have made a mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rewrite inbound.

Alright, so I have decided to delete this and re-write it but a bit different. 

This is due to three things: 

1) The rest of the story doesn't actually make sense. 

There are tons of plot holes - I won't say them because I'm keeping some of the plot points from here, but there are a lot. 

2) Quality is low. 

To be honest, I wasn't that good at writing when I started this, and I'm still not that good now. My hope is restarting will give me fresh inspiration and therefore a better attempt. 

3) Concept. 

Some of the concepts here work, others don't. I'm not going to retroactively start editing everything in the story. I'm not John. 

 

Thank you for sticking with this, and goodbye for now. 

Will repost this, hopefully as something good.

 

Best Wishes, 

Zen0Parad0x, the Traveller


End file.
